I will love you first
you beautiful man
you warm soul
you red heart.
I knew you before any one else.
Forever my friend,
even when I didn’t pay attention to you
or take the time to enjoy that genuine smile.
I’m aware of the truth that compels you.
The kindness and light you aim to give.
The compassion that lingers on your honeyed words
there will be others,
new lovers to know ,
new glories to see,
and many new experiences.
But I will not stop:
drawing hearts in that mirror
blowing kisses at that shadow.
I will love you first.
Every day advertisements make their subtle demands:
“Buying will solve your fevered longing”
Every night movies work to convince me:
“Her love will heal the dark corners of your soul”
Yet each time I feel the morning sun on my face
or hold a kitten’s purring paw
or hear the laughter in my brother’s voice
I peel back the thin curtains of illusion
and fold the carefully market lies
into paper airplanes
to gently let go of
That is the real cure for what ails me.
for enjoying a warm coffee with me
letting our brains float in beans
and laughing at the notion.
For sharing your insights
your precious wisdoms
and calming presence.
There is an air of freedom around us
allowing spirituality and curiosity
to dance gently from our lips
and into this space.
I have seen my fair share of beautiful people in this important time
but to experience a beautiful soul,
well that is a newer gleam
to brighten my winter afternoon.
So thank you,
for this moment.
All feelings, All conditions
have their place within us
solemn actors with roles to play
important and impermanent
never to stay
but simply to contrast softer mornings.
In dark rooms
candles burn brighter,
lips taste sweeter,
Before water freezes
birds fly somewhere warmer.
I will befriend depression
let him shelter this weary soul
when rest is needed more than its known.
I will make anxiety my lover
to make my blood circulate
when my limbs must carry me elsewhere.
The darker the room
the brighter the candle’s flame
and I know that flame…
will be spectacular.