Death · Everyday Life · Guest Author · Love · Religion

No God’s Here: by Asoka

I tried to smoke it off but the pain won’t go away

The bottle’s nearly empty and I still wanna die today

I popped a couple pills and I kinda feel okay

My forty-five is for me and I’ll have to use it one day

 

She, really did hurt me but

I, control my death these days

As, I hold my gun to my brain

I, know my demons don’t go away

 

But that is okay, I’m always this way

A shot to my brain, I drink the bottle again

I’m so full of lies, can’t swallow my pride

I don’t want any fucking help

 

I’m not okay, I wanna die

My demons are always tryna pull me in

There are no tears, I have no fear

My body has become numb again

 

I know will burn, won’t get no urn

I ready to go that way

All of this pain, so little gained

My humanity has died away

 

I don’t need another half

I only want money and drugs

Changing my love, like changing my gloves

Cuz I don’t ever feel that way

 

No gods here

I’m King of Death

I’m am not new to this

Cuz I had invented this

 

I am a god, fucking the devil for her looks

My heart is dead, I killed it just to know myself

Relapsed again, my drug of choice is destruction

My mind it’s slipping, I’m so narcissistic

 

King of Death, I’m in control

I watch the hammer cock back

My pistol’s black, the bullets are cold

Fucking my demon for her wealth

Love · Nature · Travel · Uncategorized

Flower Apollo’s Need 7/1/2018

My sun shines sweetly

kissing all my thorns

watering me swiftly

oh how I love her more

of this bloom I’m sure

 

I’m growing more enthralled

through water rain and storm

yet I  wilt so wrecked and worn

for my love shines foreign shore

and all the while still

I love her even more

 

Every time I think of her

my heart it plants a seed

to grow around her feet

 

to protect my golden sun

 

Flower Apollo’s Need

Guest Photographer · Love

What my brother taught me 6/1/18

Ever since I was a kid

I learned from my brother,

asked him many questions

and here is another

 

 

do girls have cooties?

 

 

so boldly he taught me

how to traverse their world,

how to gel your hair

and how to love a girl.

 

he taught me how sweet

a lover’s laugh and smile,

how to treat your queen

and go the extra mile.

 

he taught me how to dance

at my first school ball,

he picked me up and smiled

when my waltz became a fall.

 

so there it plainly is

the greatest lesson of all,

he showed me how to fly

when a girl makes you fall.

Death · Love · Uncategorized

Suicide and Bad Dreams 5/19/18

Sometimes I dream of stars

and I hear water bubbling

and I think about our memories

then they dissipate

dissolve

dismantle

into dust.

 

Sometimes I dream of you sleeping

I sit beside you and try to speak

then the dust spills from my mouth

and onto your face

I try to clean it up

but I’m smearing the dust into your eyes

as they fill with blood and tears

then you turn to water

and I hear bubbling.

 

I wake up in a pool of sweat beside you

and roll over to face you.

 

I want to cry on your shoulder.

I want hold you forever.

I want to scream at you,

punch a hole in a wall.

I want to shake you,

until those thoughts stop forever

 

 

Instead I get and get a glass of water

and for just a second,

I hear bubbling.

 

Bad Dreams.

Guest Photographer · Love · Nature

Down to Earth 5/11/18

The best part of me

is also the worst

always in my head

always far away

 

Dreaming of stories

playing fantasy

never in the now

never truly here

 

All the more wildly I need,

 

a heavenly body

to pull me to earth

a true dream girl

to wake me right up

 

a soul like yours

 

to keep me present

show me whats around

 

pull me down

down

deeper down

 

to earth, this wonderful earth

to life, this wonderful life

to this moment,

here with you,

 

my beautiful love.

Love · Uncategorized

WHY I LOVE ALAYNA (and why you should too) 4/30/18

Alayna has such a positive effect on this world. Every day, in so many ways, she helps and HEALS people. She has dedicated her life to it. Professionally, she works TWO jobs helping abused women and people with disabilities. All the while she kick’s school butt on her way to become a social worker so she can help even more people. Her natural talent at listening heals all her friends in their times of need, and lord knows, it has helped me at some of my lowest points.

She is outrageously fun. She is sassy and spunky, and being around her is addictively wonderful.

She is intelligent and deep, every day she teaches me and broadens my horizons/perspective.

She has a strength I have never experienced. She deals with so much every day, and has been through such steel obstacles. Yet endures and accomplishes true greatness.

She is an absolute wonder.

I love Alayna more and more every day, and you should too.

Love

thin tether 4/23/18

In my life, I have only truly loved three women:

 

My high school sweetheart,

a burning flame with a college crush,

 

and now

your daughter.

 

Losing a love is hard

and it destroys your soul

a little more every time

 

but I was never prepared me for the lost of their families.

 

Their mother became my mother,

caring for me in their own special ways

showing me love

 

Their father became my father

showing me how to be a better man

welcoming me

 

Their little brother became my little brother

to guide and mentor

looking up to me

 

And just like those loves

their families too,

faded into void

 

phantasmal.

yet vivid.

 

now, every interaction with your family

every breathe of kindnes

sends a shiver of fear down the core of my being

 

for our connection is but a tether,

to be cut

 

 

at the first sign of trouble.